It's been a long hard week. More teething, night wakings and endlessly domestic days. Motherhood is all consuming. Right now there's not a lot of room in my life for much else. Not a lot of time for me.
It's ok - this is what she needs right now, I'm her mum, it's my job, I'll do whatever it takes - of course. And she always manages to cheer me up - that smile - it's impossible not to smile along with her. The nice bits are still nice. I just feel like we've lost our balance a little.
We're moving her into her own room tomorrow. For me this a big step with mixed emotions. On one hand it is a sign my baby is growing up, growing further away from me, which I feel sad about. On the other hand it will, hopefully, help her sleep better, help her become more independent, give me a little space. Perhaps get that balance back.
Am I selfish for wanting that? Is it possible to be a mum and your own person? How do you find balance? Would love to know your thoughts.
Don't feel guilty, your husband was moved into his own room before he was 3 months old.xx
ReplyDeleteMum says I was in mine from birth, and slept through from birth! xx
DeleteI understand that so well. I don't mean to be discouraging, but I have a 6 and almost 4 year old and I feel like I am just now reclaiming 'me'! My main regret about the past 6 wonderful and very hard years of parenting is that I didn't make more time for myself. It may sound selfish, but I am such a better, more patient and in the moment Mum when I've gone for a drink with a friend, walked for an hour by myself, read a book for an hour and not felt guilty that I'm not cleaning the bathroom, painted all afternoon while my husband has the kids.
ReplyDeleteFeel encouraged that you are not the only Mum to feel these things. You are struggling with the meat and potatoes: motherhood - selfhood, independence - dependance (along with sleeping, eating and pooping)! It's a long, hard road, but it makes you so much stronger and more sure of who you are (in the end).
Sorry to go on and on. I have a lot to say on the subject.
Be encouraged! Enjoy your time with your little one. Love big and bold and then take some time away for yourself.
Oh, and moving your kiddo into their own room will be wonderful!
Johanna @messylabstudio.blogspot.com
Thanks so much for your words of support. It's reassuring to know you've been through it too, and that it's ok to want a bit of time to yourself. I agree, I am a better mother, more present, when I've had some time to recoup. Hopefully the room move will help. It's just all so bitter sweet at the moment!
DeleteOh this is one of the hardest parts about being a mom and I think that your questions are so very valid. When my first was born, I was so torn between him being close to me and me needing space from him but never wanting to ever miss a single second. Here is an excerpt from something I wrote: "Babies are very good ego crushers. They take what you thought was yours (your body, your free time, your home, your furniture, your life) and they poop and spit up all over it. And once they have done that, they become mobile. Which the parenting books and child psychologists claim is all about discovering and learning. But really what mobility means is that they can now start taking apart things, climbing into dangerous places, breaking things and making your home look like a cross between a small budget circus and a 15th century insane asylum. Reflecting on this, its no wonder my "Dalai Lama self" didn't really flow so easily into my "Mommy" self. And it is no wonder the Dalai Lama emanates such love and understanding: he has no children to raise."
ReplyDeleteWhich I wrote in this post here:
http://pomegranateandseeds.blogspot.com/2013/01/do-you-know-where-your-coffee-is.html
AND here is this, even if you don't read this post, I am wishing YOU 5 seconds of quiet:
http://pomegranateandseeds.blogspot.com/2013/02/wishing-you-5-minutes.html
I hope some of this helps. Coffee and Tea seem to be a central part of my blog for some reason. Please hang in there and remember bad days come and go, but it ALL passes and soon they are dancing out your door. xxoo
Torn really is the word. I love your excerpt, so very true. Thank you.
DeleteI think finding the balance is a bit like finding the holy grail but we can but try! Antonio and i have started something where he takes Amelie all day Saturday and I have the day to myself. I can stay in the flat but I'm not on 'mum duty' he is. So although I might feed her or change her Antonio is primarily looking after her. Then we have Sundays back to normal. It's hard not to feel guilty at first but it's so good. Partly as you genuinely get some you time ( I have taken to spending hours in the pub!) and partly because then your other half gets to appreciate what you do all day every day (not that they like to admit it's hard). Could you do something similar? Getting to have me time is massively important and NOT selfish. For the meantime you've essentially put life on hold to be the best mother you can be. Isn't that the opposite of selfish??! xx
ReplyDeleteThat sounds amazing. We did try something similar but Matt got so consumed in cooking dinner I ended up taking over the childcare (the dinner was very nice, but it wasn't quite what I had planned). I'm going away in March by myself (!!) and he'll look after E alone for 24hrs. Hoping that helps. I don't know why I'm questioning my decisions so much, I know I'm not selfish, I'm just so tired and emotional at the moment, it's hard to look at things rationally. xx
ReplyDelete